Problems with the Visits

The other parent starts fights when he picks up and drops off our child. What can I do?

If the other parent uses drop-off and pick-up time to abuse or harass you, there are things you can do to make it safer. For example:

• You can ask a friend or relative to pick up and drop off your child for visits with the other parent. If you have been dropping your child off and picking your child up, you can make this change yourself without a court order. If the other parent has been picking up the child at your home and will not agree to let someone drop the child off somewhere else, you may need to ask a court to order this plan;

• You can use a friend or relative's home for pick-up and drop-off. If the other parent does not agree to this, you can ask a court to order this plan;

• You can use a "supervised visitation center." You can use a supervised visitation center as a place to drop off and pick up your child for visits. Each parent uses a separate door and comes at a different time, so they never have to see each other. If the other parent does not agree to this, you can ask a court to order this plan; or

• You can use public places, like fast food restaurants or the mall, for drop-off and pick-up. If the other parent does not agree to this, you can ask a court to order this plan.

The other parent refuses to visit. What can I do?

There is nothing you can do in court to force the other parent to see or spend time with your child.

If the other parent does not visit when the court order says he should and his no-shows are messing up your schedule or your child’s schedule, you can ask the court to change the visitation order.

Example

The other parent is supposed to spend Saturday mornings with your child. You are missing your Saturday classes because you are waiting for him and he does not show up. Your child is missing soccer because your child is waiting for him. You can go to court and ask the judge to change the order to say the other parent can not visit on Saturdays anymore.

If the other parent is not showing up, it is important to go to court to get the visitation order changed. Do not take your child somewhere else just because you think the other parent is not coming. If you take your child somewhere else and the other parent decides he wants to visit, he may file a Complaint for Contempt against you.

If the other parent files a Complaint for Contempt against you, tell the judge how often he did not show up for visits with your child. It helps to keep a "visitation journal" or notebook. Write down the times he visits and the times he does not show up. If you can show the judge that the other parent hardly ever shows up, the judge will be less likely to decide you are in contempt of the court order.

The other parent’s new girlfriend is with my child during the visits. What can I do?

There is not much you can do to stop the other parent’s girlfriend from being there when the other parent visits with your child. You can only stop the girlfriend from being there if she harms your child or makes the visit unsafe for your child.

If the girlfriend puts your child in danger, you can go to court and ask the judge to change the visitation order. Ask the judge to add to the visitation order that your child cannot be around the other parent’s girlfriend.You will need to explain what the girlfriend does to make the visits unsafe for your child.

If the other parent just leaves your child with his girlfriend during his visitation time, he is not spending time with your child. You can ask the judge to give the other parent less visitation.

If you are upset only because the girlfriend is around when your child visits the other parent, there is not anything you can do in court. Visitation is the other parent's time to be with your child. The other parent has a right to have a new relationship and spend time with his child and his new partner together.

The other parent puts me down in front of my child and asks my child about my love life. What can I do?

The other parent should not put you down in front of your child or ask your child to be a spy for him. If the other parent does these things, you can ask the judge to write something in the visitation order like:

• the other parent cannot put you down in front of your child; or

• the other parent cannot use the child to get information about you.

If these rules are in the order and he does not follow the rules, then you can file a Complaint for Contempt to ask the judge to make him obey the visitation order. Or you can file a Complaint for Modification to ask the judge to change the visitation order.

You can also ask the judge to order the other parent to go to parent education classes to learn how to behave with his child. But there is not much you can do to change him. Words on paper will not make him a good parent. If you can show that problems with the visits are harming your child, you can ask the court to change the visitation order. Sometimes a therapist can help you show the court how the problems are harming your child.