If the other parent uses drop-off and pick-up time to abuse or harass you, there are things you can do to make it safer. For example:

• You can ask a friend or relative to pick up and drop off your child for visits or parenting time. If you have been dropping your child off and picking your child up, you can make this change yourself without a court order. If the other parent has been picking up the child at your home and will not agree to let someone drop the child off somewhere else, you may need to ask a court to order this plan.
• You can use a friend or relative's home for pick-up and drop-off. If the other parent does not agree to this, you can ask a court to order this plan.
• You can use a "supervised visitation center." You can use a supervised visitation center as a place to drop off and pick up your child for visits. Each parent uses a separate door and comes at a different time, so they never have to see each other. If the other parent does not agree to this, you can ask a court to order this plan.
• You can ask the court to appoint a Professional Parenting Time Supervisor just for the purpose of supervising drop-offs and pick-ups. Or
• You can use public places, like a fast food restaurant, playground, or mall, for drop-off and pick-up. If the other parent does not agree to this, you can ask a court to order this plan.

To ask the court to change the parenting time order and order a new plan:

• If you have a temporary order, you can bring a Motion to change the parenting time.
• If there is a final judgment, you can bring a Complaint for Modification.

See What if I need to change an order right away?
 

There is nothing you can do in court to force the other parent to see or spend time with your child.

If the other parent does not:

• spend parenting time or 
• visit when the court order says they should, 

and their no-shows are messing up your schedule or your child’s schedule, you can ask the court to change the order.

Example

The other parent is supposed to spend Saturday mornings with your child. You are missing your Saturday classes because you are waiting for them and they do not show up. Your child is missing soccer because your child is waiting for them. You can go to court and ask the judge to change the order to say the other parent cannot have parenting time or visits on Saturdays anymore.

If the other parent is not showing up, it is important to go to court to get the order changed. Do not take your child somewhere else just because you think the other parent is not coming. If you take your child somewhere else and the other parent decides they want to use their parenting time or visitation rights, they may file a Complaint for Contempt against you.

If the child support order in your case was based on the child spending time with the other parent and that is not happening, you might be able to ask for a change in child support.

There is not much you can do to stop the other parent’s partner from being there when the other parent is with your child. You can only stop their partner from being there if they harm your child or make the visit unsafe for your child.

If the partner puts your child in danger, you can:

1. Go to court and ask the judge to change the order.
2. Ask the judge to add to the parenting time or visitation order that your child cannot be around the other parent’s partner. 
3. You will need to explain what the partner does to make the visits unsafe for your child.

If the other parent just leaves your child with their partner during their parenting time:

• They are not spending time with your child. 
• You can ask the judge to give the other parent less time.

If you are upset only because the partner is around when your child is with the other parent, there isn’t anything you can do in court. Parenting time and visitation are the other parent's time to be with your child. It is usually important for your child to have parenting time or visits with the other parent. The other parent has a right to have a new relationship and spend time with their child and new partner together.

The other parent should not say bad things about you in front of your child or ask your child to be a spy for them. If the other parent does these things, you can ask the judge to write something in the parenting time or visitation order like:

• the other parent cannot put you down in front of your child; or
• the other parent cannot use the child to get information about you.

If these rules are in the order and they do not follow the rules, you can file a Complaint for Contempt to ask the judge to make them obey the order. Or you can file a Complaint for Modification to ask the judge to change the order.

You can also ask the judge to order the other parent to go to parent education classes to learn how to behave with their child. But there is not much you can do to change them. Words on paper will not make them a good parent. If you can show that problems with the visits or parenting time are harming your child, you can ask the court to change the order. Sometimes a therapist can help you show the court how the problems are harming your child.

If the other parent says: 

• that you can keep your child on a day they normally have parenting time or visits, or 
• that you can change the time, 

ask them to put it in writing.

If you cannot get it in writing, write down what they said in a journal or notebook. Either way, it will be clearer that something different was supposed to happen. It will be harder for the other parent to claim later that you did something wrong.