DCF and domestic violence

Sometimes abusive people call DCF to get back at their victims for leaving or getting a 209A protective order (“restraining order”) against them. Sometimes they try to control their victims by threatening to call DCF. Sometimes they do call DCF.

The person who abused you may call DCF and lie about you. They may say you are abusing or neglecting your child or that you are an alcoholic or drug user. DCF will investigate to find out what is true and what is not. But DCF may also learn about the domestic violence when they investigate. DCF may decide your child is in danger from the domestic violence.

When DCF investigates, try to be as calm and organized as possible. Try to have a friend or advocate with you when the DCF worker comes to talk to you. It is a good idea to bring paperwork like your child’s medical records, attendance records, or letters of support to show the ways that you take care of and protect your child. It might be hard, but do your best not to cry or yell because DCF might use this against you later.

Explain to the worker that the abusive person called DCF to get back at you for leaving them or getting a 209A protective order. Tell the worker what you have done to protect your child from the domestic violence. If the DCF worker does not respond to what you are saying, you may want to consider the suggestions in the section below, “What if my case worker and I do not agree about what is best for me and my child?”

DCF will want to see that you are protecting your child from domestic violence. DCF might want you to go to counseling or get other services. If you already have services, bring proof like a letter of support from your counselor.

It might be best to cooperate with DCF in these situations. DCF will also want to talk to the abusive person about your child, especially if they are the child's other parent. It is a good idea to let the abusive parent be the one who does not cooperate when DCF wants to visit their home, make an appointment, or give them a service plan.

DCF will sometimes get involved when there is domestic violence in a family if it believes that domestic violence is affecting a child. If DCF knows that your child hears or sees the other parent abuse you, DCF may open a case.

You did not choose to be abused. You may not be able to control the violence. But DCF opens cases on the parent who is taking care of the child. If DCF opens a case because of domestic violence against you, DCF will call it a case of "neglect." This means that DCF thinks you are "neglecting" your child by letting your child see and hear the abuse.

Your DCF worker should try to help you and your child without blaming you for the abuse. Your worker should try to protect your child and also help you stay safe. If you feel like your DCF worker is not supporting you around domestic violence, you may wish to look at the suggestions in the section below, “What if my case worker and I do not agree about what is best for me and my child?”

Your DCF worker may tell you to get a 209A protective order ("restraining order") against the person who is abusing you. A restraining order orders the abusive person to stay away from you or to stop abusing you. It can also order the abusive person to stay away from your child. Learn more about restraining orders.

The DCF worker might tell you that you need the restraining order to protect your child. If you think a restraining order might help you and your child, you can ask the court to issue one. You might want to talk to a domestic violence counselor first to get more information.

But if you think getting a restraining order will put you or your child in more danger then you can try explaining the situation to your worker. Talk to your worker’s supervisor if you cannot convince your worker. It is also a good idea if you think the DCF worker is wrong about your partner being a danger to you or your child. See My worker says DCF will take my child if I go back to the person who abused me. What can I do?

You may also wish to talk with a domestic violence counselor about safety planning. That can help you get another perspective and help you with planning for your safety. A domestic violence counselor may also be able to provide additional support for you in your interactions with DCF.

If DCF still insists that you get a restraining order, and you do not want one, you can ask a judge for one and tell the judge that you are only there because DCF asked you to get the order. The judge may disapprove of DCF trying to make you get an order, and may deny it for this reason.

In the end, it is up to you. DCF cannot force you to get a restraining order. But if you do not follow DCF’s recommendations about a restraining order, DCF might tell you that they will take your child.

Is the DCF worker wrong in thinking your partner or spouse is dangerous to you or your child? If you do not think your partner or spouse will abuse you or your child, explain this to your worker and try to show them why they are mistaken. If the worker insists that you separate from your partner and you believe you are not in danger, you may want to consider the steps listed below in the section, “What if my case worker and I do not agree about what is best for me and my child?”

You have a tough choice to make if you cannot convince the DCF worker that it is safe for you to go back to your partner or spouse. DCF may remove your child and file a "Care and Protection" case in court if the DCF worker thinks that your staying or getting back together with your partner will put your child in danger. DCF can remove your child without going to court first. Once DCF removes your child, it will be up to the judge to decide, but it can be hard to keep custody when DCF is against it.

Note on working with DCF as a Domestic Violence Survivor

Sometimes DCF workers do not understand what living with domestic violence is like. They may not understand what you are going through, so try to be as organized, clear, and easy to understand as you can. It will be hard, but try not to cry or yell because DCF might not understand your reaction. If you have a calming person in your life, bring them to the home visit, and try to bring important papers like police reports, doctors notes, and attendance records. You may be able to get important support and information by talking with a domestic violence counselor before and during your interactions with DCF. 

Sometimes you may want a domestic violence advocate to come to a meeting with the DCF worker or a meeting with your worker and their supervisor. Your advocate may be able to help you with your relationship with DCF.

Sometimes it is helpful to cooperate with DCF and get the services that the worker thinks you should get. However, if you are already receiving effective services, or know of services you believe are better than what the DCF worker wants, it may be worth making an effort to explain why you believe these services are the most effective for you.

DCF may want you to join a support group. It might help you to talk to other domestic violence survivors about what goes on in your home. A domestic violence support group can also help you decide what’s best for you and your child.

DCF may also want you to talk to a therapist, like a mental health counselor, social worker, or psychologist. If you go to a therapist, this does not mean you are "crazy." It can be helpful to talk to someone about what happens in your relationship. Talking to a therapist can help you figure out what to do. It is important to talk to your therapist about what can happen in court. Also, it is better to "vent" to a therapist than to your DCF worker.

Remember

If you signed releases, and even sometimes when you don’t sign releases, DCF may be able to get information from your therapist. Your therapist may even have to report to DCF how you are doing. Also, sometimes a therapist may have to testify in court in a Care and Protection Case. When you start meeting with a therapist, ask them what kinds of things they can and must share with DCF and what they can share with a court. You should also read releases that DCF asks you to sign very carefully, and if you do not agree with some part of the release, you can make changes. Do not sign blank releases which allow DCF or someone else to fill in what documents they can get after you’ve signed.

While therapy is usually "confidential" (secret), therapists are also "mandated reporters." This means that your therapist has to tell DCF (file a 51A) if something you say makes it seem like your child is in danger. For example, if you tell the therapist that your partner hits your child.

Domestic violence counselors are also mandated reporters under the law. If you talk to a domestic violence counselor, ask them what kinds of things make them feel they need to file a report with DCF. Your counselor should also tell you if they are going to file with DCF before they do it. 

DCF tells mandated reporters to be very careful about your safety if they suspect domestic violence. DCF has a pamphlet for mandated reporters called "Promising Approaches: Working with families, child welfare and domestic violence" [RTF document]. The pamphlet encourages mandated reporters to look at each family’s situation and to think carefully about whether or not to file a report in domestic violence situations. The pamphlet explains that it is important to name the abusive person in the 51A report. It tells reporters to ask you about your concerns as the person who was abused. It gives practical examples to help reporters file a report with you instead of against you.

If you cannot agree with the DCF worker about what is best for you and your child, you can try to take some of these steps:

• Talk with a domestic violence counselor for their guidance on how best to explain your children’s and your needs and safety considerations to your DCF worker. Sometimes, the DV counselor may even be able to attend a meeting with you and your DCF case worker or the worker and their supervisor.
• If explaining to your worker isn’t helpful, then you can ask to speak to your worker’s supervisor to get help. 
• If that is not helpful, you can ask your worker or their supervisor to contact a DCF Domestic Violence Specialist. Domestic Violence Specialists are trained on domestic violence and may be better able to understand the situation, and provide assistance to the DCF case worker. 
• You can consider filing a grievance. See What can I do if I disagree with a DCF decision? Also see the DCF Fair Hearing Guide. 
• You can also contact the Family Preservation Project (FPP) to see if you may qualify for legal assistance.